I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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