having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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