I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize