I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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