Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
