There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
