I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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