Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
