I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize