i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
