Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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