Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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