apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
