Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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