Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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