Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Randomize
