Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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