I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Randomize
