And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I'm having to shit out rocks
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
