the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
