would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
