Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
