Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
