i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
