You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize