He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
