I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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