SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
