so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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