woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
