i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
