i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
we're chasing vodka with high fives
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
