i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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