you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
