is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I love you. Go after that dick
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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