in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
