their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
