do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
