I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
