Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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