Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
