11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
