You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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