I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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