that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Randomize
