doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
