The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
