Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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