No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
