Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
