so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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