yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
