I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
