I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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