If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
