At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Randomize
