Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
