so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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