he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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