So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
