I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
