worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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