if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
