coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
