so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
