i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
