I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
