i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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