You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
