Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
