Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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