last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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